


too late

by emo_nerd_needs_help (musical_emo_04)



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Angst, Connor kinda dies in the end too, M/M, Poor Connor, Suicide, but also not sorry, evan dies, im sorry, suicide note, wrote this instead of sleeping
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-06
Updated: 2019-03-06
Packaged: 2019-11-12 19:53:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,012
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18017372
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/musical_emo_04/pseuds/emo_nerd_needs_help
Summary: words failwords failthere’s nothing he can say





	too late

Evan had finally had enough. He knew that this would hurt people, but he was to miserable to care. Nothing had worked. Not therapy, not meds, not even feeling loved. Evans only option was death. This wouldn’t be like last time though. Evan wouldn’t just break an arm. He would make sure of it. 

He grabbed the almost full bottle of meds from their special place on his desk. Than he went to grab his hidden razor blade that he had hidden under his bed. Putting them in his pocket. He found a piece of paper and began to write.

* * *

 

Connor was worried. He hadn’t heard from Evan at all today. He had seen him at school yesterday and Evanhad seen in a bad mood. Evan claimed the therapy and meds were working, but that didn’t stop him from worrying at all. Connor decided to call him and make sure he was okay. 

Tue phone rang, rang, rang some more, and then went to voicemail. Connor redialed and worried that Evan wouldn’t pick up again, but after the third ring he did.

"Hey Connor," exhaustion flooded Evans voice.

"Hey babe, how you doing? You haven’t talked to me all day. It’s not to late if you wanted to go see a movie or grab something to eat."

"Thanks Con, but I’m exhausted. I think I’m going to go to sleep for awhile," Connor couldn’t argue that he sounded tired.

"Okay,what about tomorrow?"

"Maybe," Evan trailed off. Than his voice came through the phone again, "Con, I love you more than anything. I just wanted to tell you that. I love you so much. You’ve made life so much better."

"I love you to Ev. God you have no idea how much I love you."

"i’ll see you later Con. Don’t ever forget how much I love you," Evan had a weird tone in his voice that concerned Connor.

"Evan don’t hang up."

"Bye Connor," Evan hung up.

Connor felt sick all of sudden. He knew why Evan had been acting strange lately. He had to get to Evan’s house right away. 

Looking out to the driveway he saw that all the cars were gone. He started running down the sidewalk as fast as he could. When he had finally crawled through Evans window, he wasn’t there.

"Fuck," Connor cursed. He knew where Evan was. He should guessed right from the beginning. He raced down the stairs and out the front door. He raced down the sidewalk in the direction of the abandoned orchard. While running he called 911.

Before the operator could greet him he was telling her what was happening.

"Please help, I think my boyfriend is going to commit suicide. He’s not answering his phone and Im seriously worried." Connor was out of breath

"Do you know where your boyfriend is right now sir?"

"I think he’s at the abandoned orchard near Ellison State Park. It’s where he tried to do it before."

"An ambulance is on its way sir. Please stay on the call."

Connor was climbing over the fence by this time. He put the operator on speaker and then turned the on flashlight on his phone. He frantically looked at the  bottoms of trees, looking for his boyfriend. Praying that he wasn’t too late. A few seconds later, he saw the broken body of his beloved.

"Evan!" He yelled. He dropped his phone as he quickly kneeled by the boy. Blood was everywhere. Evans wrist had deep slashes and blood was steadily seeping out. Connor picked up and cradled the smaller.

"Evan, why didn’t you tell me," Connor was worried that Evan would be to far gone to speak but he wasn’t.

"I-I’m sorry Connor," blood spattered on Evans lips. Connor wiped it away lovingly with his thumb. He held the boy closer, hoping he wasn’t hurting him.

As if reading his mind Evan said, "I can barely feel anything Con, I took all my meds."

Tears started to slip down his face, “Please Evan, just hold on a little longer, an ambulance is on its way."

"I can”t," was his reply.

"Can’t or won’t?" Conner was sobbing now.

"I love you Con," Evan used the last of his strength to lift a bloody hand and cup Connors face. Connor leaned down and kissed Evan. He felt Evans last breath escape into his own mouth. He hugged Evan’s lifeless body harder and solved gut wrenching sobs. He heard the ambulances siren, but it didn’t matter anymore. They were too late, he had been too late.

 

* * *

 

The ambulance had taken Evans body. They had told Connor that they would contact Heidi and tell her. Connor didn’t care. Evan was dead. He couldn’t wrap it around his head. His soulmate, the only one for him, was dead. 

He walked to Evans house and entered his room. He inhaled the smell of Evan. His soap and hair he’ll. He went to the closet and looked at all the striped polos and khakis. He pulled a polo out of Evans dirty clothes and hugged it. 

A piece of paper caught his eye on Evans desk. He walked closer and saw Evans handwriting. He read slowly to him self. Tears starting to form again.

_Dear Conner Murphy,_

_please don’t blame yourself. There was nothing you could have done. Nothing was working. It really was only a matter of time. But don’t worry, I hope and dream that we will see each other again someday. I love you._

_Sincerely Me._

Sobbing, Connor held the note to his chest. He layed down on Evans bed underneath the covers. Pulling out the razor blade he had absentmindedly picked up from where it had been laying next to Evan. He cut his wrist, deep, and hugged Evans shirt to his nose. He felt himself slipping away from reality. Darkness started to swallow him, but that darkness slowly became light. And in that light stood Evan. His arms spread wide.

Connor slipped away from life and entered the light where his boyfriends awaiting arms lay.

**Author's Note:**

> so I kinda wrote this when I should have been sleeping so sorry if it’s trash. I just end wanted to write something sad fo once. Hope you liked it even though it was sad.


End file.
